Why Making An Impact Is Harder Than You Think

Help your fellow humans, give something back, tithe a portion of your income, blah, blah, blah. 

For everyone out there that is giving money to charities to support whatever your cause is, congratulations!!  You are doing something that is very important, and you should continue to do it.  (Seriously, this post is not an excuse for you to stop helping others.  If that’s what you take from it – please read the post again.  Before you do that though, maybe look at yourself and explore why you are going out of your way to find any excuse to avoid helping others. Either way, I guess, Walk Your Own Path).

However, if you are giving, and feel like you’re not getting anywhere, or it doesn’t really matter if you give or don’t, then let’s take a little deeper look at why you’re not having the exact impact you are really trying for.  It’s not that what you’re doing is not important, it’s because you are only half way there.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.

A very important quote, and someone much wiser than us is probably the person responsible.  However, there are a couple things that missing from this quote that often get overlooked. 

• I’m Hungry Dammit!
  • Look, the person who needs the fish is hungry.  The only thing they are looking for right now is a fish.  They only have one thing in mind – fix this hunger in my belly.  It hurts, and it needs to be acknowledged before I can put my mind towards anything else (let alone learning a trade).  I cannot focus on anything else, I can only see what’s in front of me.  They can’t see how important it is that they learn how to fish, even though it’s patently obvious to you that that’s exactly what they need.  This is why it’s extremely important to actually give the person the fish first.  In order to receive all of your blessings, they have to be in a place to receive them – they can’t do that if they are hurting.

• They Only Asked For A Fish – That’s What I Am Giving Them Until…
  • You don’t want to overstep, or maybe you don’t know any better yourself.  OK, we will let you slide on this one for a bit, but eventually you ARE going to know better.  You are going to see for yourself that the person needs to get off your constant handout.  This is where a lot of people might say something like, “I’ve given them 100 Fish for the last 100 Days.  Why are they still asking for fish?”  It’s because you may have addressed the immediate concern of the constant state of hunger, you never followed up with actually how to fish for themselves.  At this point, you can either:
    • Blame them & cut them off.  Stop sharing your fish altogether, go home, and live in a rotten house of expired fish that seeps into your every pore.  Making you sick in the process, and living a life of someone who had the power to help but didn’t.
    • You can move on, & focus your attention on someone else who actually wants to help themselves.  This in no way helps the original person since they are going to be hungry again tomorrow, and will have to find someone else who will feed them.  Although this might help you sleep a little bit better, you do are not actually breaking a cycle here, and are not having the impact that you are hoping for.
    • Continue to give the person fish, thus becoming an enabler.  Albeit an enabler that can sleep a little better at night, because you justify your enabling actions as charity work.  You are giving something to a fellow human that you don’t have to.  Congratulations, you really should be commended for doing something which is a LOT better than most people do.  So yes, you should sleep a little better at night…but (and this is a big butt), you still have not addressed the bigger problem which is that the person doesn’t know how to feed themselves, and maybe doesn’t even realize that they need to feed themselves. 
    • You can dig in and actually get to work.  Obviously, this is the hardest and least chosen.  This is the choice that will actually have the impact that you are looking for.  You’ve given a fish or two, the person is not hungry anymore and is available to receive extra guidance.  You have to dig in, and ACTUALLY TAKE THE TIME TO TEACH THEM TO FISH!  You know this will help them in the long run, and alleviate the need for you to continue giving them fish, but it requires you to do extra work that you might not have been prepared for.  Sometimes, the person works with you and receives the blessing, and you can actually move on and sleep well knowing you have truly helped someone.  Sometimes they block themselves for whatever reason (as it does require work on their part too), and don’t learn to fish.  That is their path – not yours.  If they decide to throw a boulder in it and block the blessing, so be it.   They have a path they need to walk, and only they can walk it.  Eventually, they will learn to fish – on their time.   You on the other hand are free to move on to whatever else your path has in store.  This is not the time to tell the other person about themselves and judge their decisions.    This benefits no one, and only causes you to start putting a boulder on your own path.